apparently, i dont even know how to describe my condition right now. gosh, i look okay from the outside but i definitely can't say the same about the inside. maybe it's my fault, my lack of understanding, my un usual emotions, my terrible behaviour or so whatever that you can think of. as a human being i repeatedly make hideous mistakes in my life, not that i purposely wished to do something like that, it's just part of human nature. everybody said try putting yourself in their shoes and see what they have been through. the truth is, i would love to! really!. if that's what it takes to leave my miserable self right now, then i wouldn't mind to see the world from your side.
one thing that i can think of while writing this, is i'm scared. scared to think that, what i'm having or feeling now is part of depression symptoms. more over, to think that i'm having some kind of depression, just make my heart grow weaker. scared to think that this hopelessness feeling may lead to unwanted situation. scared to think that i might do something terrible to myself cause i couldn't avoid this sad feeling. and so scared to think that this negative feelings just wont leave me alone for good.
//sighs
funny, i kept saving my friends from their misery by cheering them up and helping them in anyway i could, told them that they are strong enough to face it and that misery will be over soon. ironically, i can't say the same to myself and plus, whos gonna save me from my own misery? sighs* i just hope that in the near future when i smiled to somebody, it's gonna be an honest smile that came straight from my heart, not a fake smile just to convince you that i'm okay.
Dear Allah SWT, do give me strenght to accept this fate that You have written for me. tears may flow down through my cheek from time to time, but i know there's a reason behind every incident that happened to me. Amin Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.
// what past is past, we must let it go to see what is ahead us
Firman Allah S.W.T
ReplyDeleteSesungguhnya, hanya orang-orang yang bersabarlah yang dicukupkan pahala mereka tanpa batas.
Allah mengujimu menurut kadar iman yang engkau miliki. Apabila kadar imanmu berat, Allah akan memberikan ujian yang lebih keras. Apabila ada kelemahan dalam agamamu, maka cubaan yang diberikan kepadamu juga lebih ringan.
Pray to Allah, and you'll be fine :)
kakak qyllllllaaaa.. i just found ur blog.. heee.. and such a coincidence, i just wrote an entry about me being so depressed n stuff. i guess i know exactly how ure feeling ryte now so wtv it is, brace urself k? ure not alone cz i am sooo feeling u. ngeee
ReplyDeleteaaa sweet nye. thanks nad!
ReplyDeleteand thanks nanash!
thank you both of you ;)
u go gurl....hehehe!
ReplyDelete